Trust

Recently I have discovered that the basis of several of my "issues" ;) is my lack of trust in other individuals, God, myself even. I used to be a very trusting person and am not quite sure when I turned into such a cold, withdrawn individual. I am guessing it was after several disappoints occurred in my life over the past two years. It truly seemed that every time I got excited about something, someone would let me down.

I am a very forgiving person, and never meant to hold grudges towards these people. But after so long of being let down, it began to change my being. One might wonder why this would have such an effect on me, goodness knows I did. I realized that it is because of my perception of loyalty. I have always tried my best to keep my promises, to never let anyone down, to never hurt anyone. But even I have failed. After that I began to lose trust in my ability to truly make others happy. I felt my own sadness from being disappointed and was so scared of making another person feel that way that I gave up trying to do anything at all. What a vicious cycle that turned out to be.

While dyeing this yarn, I forced myself to play all of this over in my mind, rather than ignore it. (which is something I really like to do). I chose these colors for several reasons. I felt the turquoise sympbolized the new devotion I feel towards trusting others and myself. It has a "fresh" appearance. The brown was chosen because it seems "solid" to me, just as a promise should be. It reminded me of strong, solid, dependable tree trunks.

I now believe that I can return to the person I used to be, full of faith, love, and hope. I am determined to trust others, and myself...even if it brings disappointment at times.