True Emotions

For so very long, I have oppressed and suffocated all emotions. It was my attempt at protecting myself from pain, sadness, anger...from having to face the truth that parts of my life were nothing like I truly wanted.

It was definitely a mistake, but it helped me to survive, so I can't really say that I regret it completely. I do, however, miss all the happiness and joy that I could not enjoy. So many moments of my childrens' lives have seemed dull and really kind of fake. Those moments I miss so very, very much.

Recently, as I have begun to heal, I have found myself experiencing real emotions once again. It is a strange and interesting time for me and my family ;) I find myself crying once more after being hurt emotionally....I find myself yelling and wanting to scream at things that upset me....And I find myself hurting from the pain of events I refused to face.

I feel as if I'm on a roller coaster every single day. One moment I am giggling uncontrollably at my silly toddlers and the next I am cursing my husband for moving my bra, LOL. (of course it has nothing to do with my bra, but everything to do with past events that I chose to ignore).

I am truly thankful for this renewed energy. I feel human once again. No longer am I an emotionless robot going through the daily duties of life. I hope to never return to that place of loneliness.